reformed and barely baptist

I find myself presently in a theological identity crisis. For some time now, I've been slowly coming to the conclusion that there is barely any Baptist left in me. In my own theological study, most of the Baptist distinctives are either gone or in question.

For example:

I believe there must be more to the Lord's Supper and Baptism than just "remembering." Most Baptists act as though "Do this in remembrance of Me" were the only text on the issue. And it is nothing short of ironic that a group named "Baptists" so downplay baptism that all most of us can say about it is, "well, it doesn't save, and it should only be done to adults...when they feel ready." Well, that's really bad baptism theology.

The entire separation of church and state is in question in my mind. If Christ is truly Lord of all, and if N.T. Wright is correct in his article, The New Testament and the "State", that the principle of Christ's Lordship necessarily applies to government, and that religion and politics do indeed meet at the cross (see my post below, Politics at the Cross), then I have a lot of thinking to do on the traditional Baptist view of church and state.

Congregational style church government is very much in question. I'm leaning more and more toward elder rule for various reasons. John Piper manages to remain a Baptist while embracing elder rule. In fact, Piper manages to remain a Baptist while being an uncompromising Calvinist as well. This breed has become rare, but is currently seeing a turnaround in growth. The problem is, since we're Baptists, we're going to have 714 different kinds of "Reformed Baptists," and no two groups will talk to each other. I still have to spend some time reading and reviewing this "New Covenant Theology" that many Reformed Baptists are embracing. There's so much to read, and so little time.

There are many things I absolutely hate about being a Baptist (stay tuned for an upcoming series of posts on "why i hate being a baptist"). I hate that most Baptists embrace dispensationalism. I hate that most Baptists consider the Christian religion and the Republican party to be almost synonymous. There are more.

I still can't get past credobaptism (believers' baptism), however. I've tried. I think I almost want to believe in paedobaptism (infant baptism). It would unite me with longstanding Reformed Christian traditions with whom I feel much more affinity than Baptists. But I'm just not seeing it. I've debated the issue with myself and others. I've tried to listen to the paedobaptist side with an open ear. I'll try to post some theological thoughts on the issue in the near future. But if you're in the same place I am, or if you're solidly in either the paedobaptist or credobaptist camp, do me a favor and drop me some titles of some resources that have helped you. Once my Master's thesis is over, I plan to dig into this issue.